Life Through My Eyes

Bye-bye Blogspot

2011-08-26T23:58:00.001+02:00

Here is an announcement about moving my blog to wordpress and the new address is http://deppys.wordpress.com/.

Keep following me, amazing people. And stay tuned for more posts to come!

Go ahead and lie to me

2011-08-24T00:07:00.000+02:00

In order to get in
In order to get privileges
In order to get out of a trouble
In order to get through
At some certain points in life we have to lie

Someone asks what we think and we lie
We compliment and lie
We want to be loved so we accept lies
We kiss asses by world-class lies

We sugarcoat speeches and lie
We get cornered so we lie
We want attention so we lie
We get scared of loneliness and lie

We lie to people and we believe our lies
We lie to ourselves till it runs though our blood
We think lying is the best option

And here comes the term 'A white lie'

Do you ever stop for a second and ask yourself, why would I lie?

Do you know how to spot liars? Do you ever let them know you know?

Why is it whenever you say the truth loud and clear you're either rude, frowned upon, and might as well get hurt while we're at it?

And why is the world trying so hard to evolve us into honest, straightforward creatures - in theory - when it never accepts honesty to begin with?

Letters To her #3

2011-08-20T21:40:00.000+02:00

Disclaimer: Am not talking to aliens; some girls actually don't know about this simple, evident issue, and to my surprise some of them are adults with experience.

Dear girl,

If the guy likes you he will either...

Show it.
Say it.
Act upon it.
Try to woo you.
Find a million ways to approach you.

If the the guy likes you he will not....

Send mixed signals.
Let you wonder about his true colors or intentions.

If he's yet to do any of the dos and more of the don'ts, he is either..

Doesn't like you.
Doesn't like you enough.
He thinks he likes you but he does not.

Dear girls,

stop worrying to death and stop your world from revolving around him. Stop giving him excuses just because you like him or just because you're insecure or lonely. Live your life normally as it should be and don't freaking wait up.

I know it's easier said than done but you gonna find the right guy, the guy that is meant for you to be with, eventually....and what am sure of, that guy will never let you wonder for so long.

Dear girl,

DUH!

Watch me

Help..

2011-08-17T20:04:00.002+02:00

Would you please help me out and take this survey, girly girls? And be honest, huh!

Thank you =)

Letters to her #2

2011-07-21T13:31:00.003+02:00

Dear girl,

Remember when you were a little girl, all bubbly and having a pinky mindset of your own?
Remember your first crush and how you felt all excited and hopeful about it?

Remember the first boyfriend and how you thought you'll last forever?
Remember the first disappointment, the first heartache and how deep it's carved in your heart?
Remember how you got through it and how you wore your scars proudly as trophies?

Remember seeing friends getting places without even slightly scratched or hurt the way you did. And you keep asking yourself, why me?
Remember keep going for more heartaches, and finding pleasure in pain?
Remember insecurities and not-so-cool baggage you held around for so long?
Remember fitting yourself to the single-person comfy bubble, and finding a magical consolation in solitude?

Remember pushing good people away and messing up your relationships, just because you couldn't trust or believe anymore?
Remember being lost, being apathetic, and taking a stroll in the denial land?
Remember the present that you can't seem to be able to handle anymore because you're lost, because your experience made you wiser but wearier, because you're too emotionally drained to handle your own messes?

Dear girl,

You gonna hit the rock bottom and will rise again when it's your right time, because timing is everything.

Letters to her #1

2011-07-20T22:50:00.001+02:00

Dear girl,

People see you exactly the same way you see yourself.

You see yourself as a useless creature and everyone is under-appreciating you.
You have a self esteem problem, thinking less of yourself, and you'll find everyone picking on you.
You accept less of a guy and think he is what you worth, and you're a magnet for jerks.
You treat yourself as a queen and everyone will pamper you.

It's not magic; in fact when you have an idea, you involuntarily send signals to people and they treat you with whatever projected in the back of their brains.

Dear girl,

See through yourself, believe in yourself, and know how to detect and emphasize the power points in you. And never let anyone convince you with otherwise.

A simple question..

2011-07-14T22:17:00.000+02:00

How to mute/silent that self-destructive voice inside my mind?

Life cycle

2011-07-14T12:19:00.001+02:00

Don't blame a girl when she derails.
Don't blame her for falling for the wrong guys.
Don't blame her for feeling she's worthless.
Don't blame her for loathing dreaming big
When the only dream she wishes for is a husband.
Or an independency just for the sake of it.
Don't blame her for being a merely follower.
Don't blame her apathy.
Don't blame her anger.

Don't blame a girl for being too insecure or too coward.

Don't blame her for feeling inferior

Or for wanting superiority.

Don't blame her for failing life.
Don't blame her for being an airhead
For this is the only way to get through this world.

Don't blame her for ruining some generations to come...

You know what? I 90% blame her parents, and the way she's been upbrought, and how people see her. You'll never know how these factors can do to a human being!

It still not impossible

2011-07-13T15:53:00.000+02:00

What if you have something in your life, an obstacle that always comes between you doing what you always dreamt of...

"Change it" they say.

What if I can't change it?

"If you can't change it then accept it" they say.

What if I can't accept it?

Well, what if I don't want to accept it?

What is accepting anyway? because let me tell you, it's a stupidest idea ever created.

It's just another lame excuse for lazy people not to go on with their pathetic lives. It's just the handy tool you use to frustrate the closest people to your heart.

Accepting this is what makes the obstacle to begin with, accepting this is what makes an angry, useless person out of me.

This, I won't accept. I'll keep on trying tooth and nails until I get what I want. I won't let myself be another version of what they're turned themselves to be.

Beak me, or I'll break you!

"Certainly no longer uncertain"

2011-06-29T15:08:00.001+02:00

When you seek possibilities, the process is quite unfolded, it's more open, it's everywhere. I mean the risk, the belief in a sliver lining in every passing chance. The ups and the downs, the looking forward, the 'might be'.

And I tell you, it's cooler that way, It's a part of a human nature to be in search of something certain, to hunt. It's the bitter sweet life obstacle.

But do you know why possibility is more fun? Cause with certainty comes responsibility, comes a certain state of mind, come worries, comes complex, come expectations, come more hopes, and hardships. However, with possibilities you enjoy the hunt, the unwrapping, the peeling off of life's layer by layer. But at some point there has to be a stop.

Don't worry it'll all come naturally, and in time.

فرض إن شاء الله

2011-06-21T19:18:00.008+02:00

ده رد على الناس اللي بتقول ان الحجاب مش فريضه -- اصل الناس دي انتشرت كتير اوي الأيام دي

هي دي آيه فرض الحجاب

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاء الْمُؤْمِنِينَ . ... الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ ذَلِكَ أَدْنَى أَن يُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا يُؤْذَيْنَ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُوراً رَّحِيماً

اللي بيقول بقه الحجاب مش فريضه غالبا بيفسر الأيه دي على مزاجه
مش هدخل معاك في مناقشه حاره و اجبلك كلام شيوخ و كده، خلينا نتكلم بنفس مبدأ حضرتك

طب يا سيدي هنفترض ان كلامك صح، احنا مطلوب مننا ايه كمسلمين؟ نعمل الفروض؟

اللي هي الشهاده و الصلاه و الصوم و الزكاه و الحج؟ طب يبقى اللي بيعمل كده متدين و كده؟ و كده خلاص هيقابل ربنا و هو مرتاح الضمير؟

لو ماشيين بالمبدأ ده يبقى لو حضرتك معجبكش "اتتدود" راجل دين مفيش حاجه تعيبه بقه، مسمعش نفسك تقولي "مش عيب على دقنك" و نسبنا بقه من مبدأ الدين المعامله و نسبنا بقه من الجواز و كل الكلام ده بقه مهو سنه هو كمان. طالما مش مكتوب في أركان الاسلام

السؤال هنا، هو من امته الاسلام فرائض بس؟ و لا هنعمل زي الطوائف اللي مؤمنه بالقران و سايبه السنه مش معترفه بيها؟

ده كله غير ان في حديث بيقول " مَنِ اسْتَنَّ بِسُنَّتِي فَهُوَ مِنِّي ، وَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي ، وَعَمَلٌ قَلِيلٌ فِي السُّنَّةِ ، خَيْرٌ مِنْ كَثِيرٍ فِي بِدْعَةٍ "

ده معناه واضح و صريح ان الامتثال للسنن واجب عشان نكون من امه الرسول عليه الصلاه و السلام، يعني مفيش حاجه اسمها فرض واجب و سنه بمزاجنا. و هو المطلوب اثباته

دلوقتي انك عرفتك، عايز تعمل اعمل مش عايز دي حاجه بينك و بين ربنا

A letter to abuser #EndSH

2011-06-19T21:08:00.008+02:00

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is merely normal, because this is a real life story that happens everyday.

Dear abuser,

My name is Nancy, I am writing this now, it's Dec 1998. You're in your late 20s, am 8 years old, I do play with barbie, I am still a little kid for the love of god.
My family moved her to Kuwait two years ago, I joined school but I don't like it here much. Anyway, while dad was busy working he sent you, his friend to pick me up from school. First it was casually like every once in a while and then I found you waving at my school doorstep like on daily basis; I think that much you wanted to help dad.

But after some time your "niceness" grew excessive. You played "games" with me, games I don't really get, your hand reached and touched unreachable weird places in my body -- sometimes in front of other kids, other times publicly in the street -- and I didn't get why, how or what the hell is that. I get that something wrong was going on. I only get that you're trying to hide something by asking me not to mention it to anyone.

My mom used to tell me to take care, to not talk to strangers, to shy away from whoever try to do anything with me or my body. But she never told me what to do next, she never told me that it's ok to talk to her about it. I always assumed that it's about me, and if I ever go and tell her or dad about you that would end up in a disaster. And not to blame them alone, I was also afraid of you.

One day I overheard about you returning home. And that was the same day I last saw you. you asked me to accompany you in picking up my brother from that new school you designed. Only, I found myself in that unoccupied building in the back of the school, and you trying to find a place with a closed door like a maniac. You scared me with your fast paces, this place was scary. I didn't think, I ran, I kept on running until I got home.

And no body noticed...Don't worry you're secret is safe.

But me, I grow up thinking about you, you son of the bitch, and what you were trying to do. I grow up despising guys/men, friends or foes. I grow up suspicious with a bruise in the soul, and resenting my family.

I grew immune, heartless when it comes to guys, those sluty nasty creatures who only hunt for pleasure. I hate to recall my childhood because all I remember is torturing scenes, nothing innocent about it and nothing bubbly. I chose to block my memories because of you. I have rage towards the world, I feel pain, I feel easy. I'm forever doomed because of some moments of sickly pleasure you got.

Dear abuser,

Today, on May 2011 am 21 years old. I do understand what happened to me when I was a little girl. You jerk. I freaking hate you. I really don't understand why I kept silent? I was a victim and am not gonna be silent ever again. Now, I understand and I'm not afraid anymore. I will never let those bastards collect victims as trophies, I will be the end of it. There I said it.

But guess what, one day when I was having fun with my friends I took a ride in the amusement park, the ride was packed and then I caught that guy grinding his body on my thighs. And my mind went like "WTF! What should I do?" *blank*.
I only placed my bag in-between and tried to move a little further. I couldn't talk, my tongue went tied, my mind went paralyzed. I severely regret it, and I know that am responsible for this nasty guy's next victim for your next victim, and the other one, and the other one.

And while I was taught to shut the hell up, thanks to you, am NEVER going to shut the hell up ever again.

Dear abuser,

I hope you rot in the deepest hell. I hope one day I'd witness karma biting your nasty ass.

Sincerely,
One of your loyal victims
Nancy.

For more info about the event click here #EndSH

اللي ملهومش فيها

2011-06-17T19:44:00.008+02:00

اللي عايز يعبر عن رأيه في أي حاجه دلوقتي يقول اللي عايزه بكل حريه، احنا الحمد لله في بلد ديموقراطي دلوقتي. عندك رأي قوله و اعمل بيه و اللي معترض يخبط دماغه في الحيطه طالما انت شايف انك صح و طالما انك مش بتاذي حد

انما حضرتك تيجي تفتيلي في الدين، لا بقه عندك! ده مفيهوش اراء فرديه، ده ليه مرجعيه و اصول. مفيش حاجه اسمها اصلي شايف و اصلي مش مقتنع و اصل الدين يسر. الدين ايوه يسر بس الدين لا يطوع تبعا لأهواء البشر و الا يبقى ايه لزمته بقه؟

تاني حاجه، لو انت عارف انك مش عالم و لا مفتي يبقى الأفضل انك تحتفظ بفتاويك أو ارائك الشخصيه لنفسك و تعمل بيها او متعملش دي حريه شخصيه انما متنشرهاش لأن الرسول عليه الصلاه و السلام قال

"إن العبد ليتكلم بالكلمة ما يتبين فيها يزلُ بها الى النار أبعد مما بين المشرق والمغرب"

ده غير ان في ناس كبيره و عاقله و مدركه بس نفوسها ضعيفه بتصدق و تمشي ورا اي كلام تخيل بقه لو كلامك ده طلع غلط لا سمح الله باي شكل من الأشكال، مهو وارد برضه -- مهو حضرتك لا عالم و لا مفتي و في الاخر انت انسان غير معصوم من الخطأ. تخيل لو كلامك ده غيَر حياه حد و كنت انت السبب في تغير فكر الشخص ده عشان حضرتك قررت انك تفتي

هو انا قلتلك ان الدين ده ليه مرجعيات؟ اه، يا ريت بقه تبقى كاتبلنا مرجعياتك كده و جبت الكلام ده منين و يا ريت كمان يبقى اجتمع عليه اكثر من عالم او امام من ذوي السمعه يإما متكلمش خالص لو ملكش فيها

و بالمناسبه مش كل سلفي شرير، مش كل عالم او دارس في الأزهر يبقى جليل،مش كل اخواني عايز يجلدك و يقيم عليك الحد و مش كل متدين يبقى متشدد، وأحترموا شويه بقه دينكوا و رجال الدين

ادوا لكل حق حقه و اعرفوا دينكم بجد

Fresh state of mind

2011-06-15T00:05:00.003+02:00

Recently, I've been learning more about me, about life, friends, family and love. Been learning to be grateful, to thank god, to appreciate people in my life, to always assure. Been learning to read reasons, to see the silver lining in the present, to not look in the rear view mirror anymore, to let things be, to accept and to feel at peace without feeling guilty. Been adapting with feeling lucky, with growing older, with changes in my life.

Something major is changing in my life without really changing!

--

Additional old news: Still suffering from writers block but it's ok, it'll come back naturally am sure when mind is less occupied with all the hassle. At least after getting my exams done, it takes a huge portion of the fuss in my head. Please, remember me in your prayers.

PS. This is my 400th post *whooo*

The challenge

2011-06-03T17:44:00.003+02:00

Being an exception for a change.
Getting used to someone new, to something new.
To adapt, to adjust.
Having something that really worth fighting for.
To be responsible for your choices.
Breaking the barriers, one by one.
Defying the usual, the easy, and obeying the natural course.
The notion of actually settling, of sustaining.
To trust, to believe.
Consistency.
Crawling slowly to the other end of comfort zone.
The anticipation; losing habits of worrying and taking everything easy.

It seemed easy beforehand, but in fact it's not. It's another form of a tough challenge...specially in this age of mine.
I guess I'm growing older, and wiser..

I always said I'd be happier alone. I'd have my work, my friends. But someone in your life all the time? More trouble than it's worth. Apparently, I got over it.
There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love and then you don't have it?
What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it...and then...it falls apart?
Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is...death ends. This? It could go on forever.
~ Grey's Anatomy

Of your baloon....I let loose..

2011-05-23T02:18:00.002+02:00

Am the girl with huge social network and few close friends. I label people, deal with them based on it. I'm perfectly capable of putting limits, I know when to hold off when needed. And I never lose friends.

You should know upfront this is not an intro about how great I am, rather about how special your case was...

I gave you up, because you are a bad person, vicious and dangerous. Because you're not a good friend, unappreciative of one -- or that who you used to be, hopefully. Because you couldn't learn, you couldn't take hints. Because I don't trust you around me anymore...

There is a huge difference between caring for someone and trusting them. But you know me, I'd rather be a ruthless bitch. I'd rather give up on love, I'd rather jeopardize a losing game, and risk useless people. But not my own sanity, not my own beliefs, and most importantly not my own principles. Cause I'm done with being a fool, and so over giving second chances.

Up until now, you're not forgiven, but I won't go around wishing you hell either. I wish you just one thing though, to know how it feels to walk a mile in my shoes. I want you to savor the same poison and feel the pain you caused me, I want you to know! Not for a revenge, but to learn to appreciate people more, to learn not to fall for everything that shines, to count your steps, and to learn how to let people survive your foolishness.....I want you to be better, because believe it or not I still care. Because it's a part of the good friend I used to be. It's not you, all me; because I tend to stand for my morals code, no matter what.

Don't miss me, cause I might forgive you one day, but I will never let you in my life once again.
Don't miss me, cause I might forgive you one day, but I will never let you know.

Because of you...

2011-05-14T12:34:00.001+02:00

I'm learning to sleep peacefully, again
I'm overcoming my monsters, for real
I'm letting my fortress fall, because of you.

Am learning to feel good, and lose any guilt
I'm facing the truth, am burying the denial
Everything I knew and everything I believed in, is now intact, because of you.

I know exactly why nothing ever worked out before
I cherish every step in time leading me to you
I finally feel like I do have something to lose, because of you.

Am delighted by the mere existence of someone
Am discovering, am lingering
And am bathing in the moment
My face can't keep a straight for so long, because of you.

My almost drained beliefs are finally retrieved, and able to sustain
I touch without touching, I see without visuals, I listen without hearing
Am feeling that am doing something right, because of you.

Being the way I am is what I gotta do
Am stumbling only to stand up again
Am learning not to give in, to stick, to fight and to feel the plain rupture of it
Now, It's a matter of all or nothing, because of you.

I know that everything...day-dreams, fairytales are all possible now
Because of you am appreciating myself more and more now
You gave no room for self doubt
I found my muse and I'll learn to soar because of you.

I know how to accept, to give, how to care
How to be natural, how to co-exist
How to appreciate the simple and the true

Something has changed in my life -- a month ago today -- because of you.

Message of Hope

2011-05-07T20:12:00.000+02:00

"Just when we think we've figured things out...the universe throws us a curveball, so we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find our way back to the things that matter the most.

The universe is funny that way; sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong." ~ Grey's Anatomy - White Wedding

Ring any bells?

2011-05-05T17:08:00.000+02:00

Find more info about Plato and Allegory of the Cave.

For today I let the moment win

2011-05-04T14:14:00.002+02:00

How would it feel to hear this sound in stereo
To taste the shared air
For the private halo to fence in
To savor the real odor I long for
And how would it feel to stare at the genuine portrait

How would it feel to laugh it off
To mind-hide, to mind-seek
To hear eyes scream
To learn the gestures, the moves
And how would it feel to enjoy the stillness

How would it feel at the first glimpse
How would it feel before the goodbye
And how the hell would everything in between

How would it feel to peel it off, layer by layer.
How would it feel tomorrow, a week later.....a year from now.

How would it feel?
Honestly...
..I don't really care

For all I know is
How it feels right now and here
How to appreciate your presence and enjoy every minute with you

So I'll choose to lose the anticipation
I'll learn to collect my smiles
For the moment, and for the days to come

Confession #39

2011-05-01T01:00:00.001+02:00

Last Tuesday was supposed to be a big event here, it was 'Life Through My Eyes's second anniversary. I was planning on celebrating with one hell of a post -- like the one I wrote last year. But sadly, I happened to be having a stupid writer block, piles of work, and afterwards a vacation to prep for. But I promise I'll make it up for my baby, and for my loyal followers.

Happy belated anniversary, bloglogy.

Hit me like a ray of sun

2011-04-30T00:46:00.004+02:00

Strolling down the streets of life, watching, staring at faces. At happy faces you'd stop, thinking about how overrated people are taking their bubbly smiles and positive attitude. Sometimes you'd get sick of all the mushy pep talk. But you keep on strolling anyway...

Your feet get tired of walking, your body gets exhausted of the cold. But you would take it because you know life isn't easy, because you hear people say it...and you choose to follow it..."The best is yet to come.."

You stroll down the streets with your heavy heart, holding a baggage of lifetime melodrama around. You look at the blurry world...only with some teary blinds.

And by time you build your life around those hardships, life water wells to cavemen. You settle for the heartaches, for the leaning backs, for the teary eyes. By time you'd believe it's how it is. By time you might think that the best might be coming and going, that your best went unnoticed. That smiles are rather crafted in time but not yielded, like all the happy faces you still encounter...

You stroll, and things get tighter. One by one, you have your dreams to lose, you have your morals to compromise, energies to drain, other shows to watch, and a life to waste...

But one day, while you're busy not watching out for your steps, you trip and fall. And then you stand up, just to find that NOTHING is the same anymore..

Only then...it'll be time for complying gravity, willingly, naturally.

Confession #38

2011-04-18T14:35:00.003+02:00

Not a single time in my lifetime did I have to give up something that I thought was good but to find some reassuring signs that there is better in the world, richer than I could even grasp.

Doesn't necessarily mean possessing the latter, it's just the gesture what counts; over the years signs grew enough for me to actually know, to strengthen my faith, to widen my insights, to leave me greedier and to keep me taller.

Yes I'm that much sucker for signs, and a hell of a believer.

New self approaches to life!

2011-04-15T14:56:00.002+02:00

When in doubt, turn your back! life is way shorter than wasting it hesitating.
Do/say just what you feel like doing/saying, not what you have to.
Ask!
The target isn't perfection, it's HOW you take advantage of defects (yes it can be done)
Nothing is impossible.
It's never too late to tear down pages, and start a new one.
It's all about HOW you fight for what you want.
Logic is overrated.
In friendship: repay.
In self appreciating: you're how you reflect yourself.
In love: DO know and understand the dude. DON'T get too emotionally involved, and DON'T over-think it.

How to lose a friend, forever (2)

2011-04-13T17:58:00.002+02:00

Have you read Part1

26- When you do something you know that might get them mad, never excuse them for being mad. Insult them for their reaction, even better.
27- When they make it clear about something that peeves them, insist on doing it.
28- When you're in a relationship, ignore your friends. Stop hanging out with them, or calling them at all. And when they bring it on, that you have changed, swear on your unborn child you haven’t.
29- Criticize them, belittle them and their serious issues and insult them in front of others. And if they ever dared to defend themselves or tell you to cut it, threaten you'd spread rumors about them.
30- When they help you/offer to help, take advantage of them and never thank them for it.
31- Never bother to repay what you owe them.
32- Tell them how much you love them, and show you fangs in the very first hardship.
33- Be a coward.
34- Let them know that you'll always count on them, and when they do, bail on them. And of course make it about you!
35- When they help you, or do something steal their credits or ignore them completely.
36- When life gets "crazy" never bother to bond with those who were supposedly your bffs once.
38- When you have plans and they turned out to be sick don’t bother to march right over to bring them soup or to spend the day with them, or to even bother to ask about them the next day. Just go like "I'm sorry you gotta miss out. Maybe next time.." or keep blaming them for ruining your plans because of their sickness.
37- Never care to know anything about your friends, not their favorite color, not their family not anything.
39- When you both have plans, and some other friends of yours decide to make you a surprise party in the very same day. Don’t let them be happy about it, whine about ruining your plans, keep whining about it a year or so.
40- When they avoid you, keep ambushing yourself.
41- When they need a space, never give them any room to breath.
42- Be a stubborn bitch.
43- Wish them hell, and let them know it.
44- Embarrass them in front of other friends and family.
45- Quarrel with them on the most trivial issues, exhaust them and drain them emotionally.
46- Never give compliments.
47- Wear their heart on your sleeves mockingly.
48- Give notices about how much they bore you to death.
49- Never be patient.
50- When they need you the most, never show up.

And the winner bonus point...

* Lie, back-stab and insult your friends, lose them for someone else. And AFTER having your fun, try getting them back!

Confession #37

2011-04-13T01:11:00.000+02:00

Seeing my high school colleague walking down the street happily with her hubby and two cute kids makes me a bit jealous. Not because I want what she have, but because she THINKS she did something with her life at this age, and I don't.

And I didn’t want the train to come

2011-04-10T00:26:00.001+02:00

Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong
In your reverie a perfect girl
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool
All your expectations bury me

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo, know that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time

I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny
That I can make or break it if I choose
But you take my words and twist them 'round
Til I'm the one who brings you down
Makes me feel like I'm the one to blame for all of this...

Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo, know that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time

You need everybody with you on your side
Know that I am here for you but I hope in time
You'll find yourself alright alone
You'll find yourself with open arms
You'll find yourself you'll find yourself in time

The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive
I have to take myself away from you
'Cause I can't compete I can't deny there's nothing that I didn't try
How did I go wrong in loving you

Perfect Girl - Sarah Mclachlan

Confession #36

2011-04-05T01:02:00.000+02:00

Haven't you learn anything about me?

Go get a life.

Cause I set fire to the rain

2011-04-04T16:34:00.007+02:00

It pulls me closer
Marks my territory
Builds up my emotions

It gets my hopes high
And sketches my future outlines
...Be it a fantasy or reality

It Inspires me
Brings out the best in me

Gives a whole definition
..of how life supposed to be

It weakens my knees
Toughens me in the face of the world
Covers up my gloom

It feeds my mind, and tickles my heart
Gets my shattered pieces together
And heals the hell outta me

It makes me wonder
How did I ever live without it..

When it should only do the opposite!

Confession #35

2011-04-04T02:59:00.001+02:00

I mean, if you have it all in one package, what else are you looking for?

Confession #34

2011-04-03T01:49:00.000+02:00

Am having a severe case of writer's block, and I've been trying my very best not to yield, for the past period. Thoughts running back and forth in flows and writing them down seems like the hardest thing to do; distractions took over, no concentrating whatsoever, and finding the logic fashion is almost impossible!

Did I mention that writing is passionately my thing? It's awful feeling crippled like that...

Dammit >.<

HATE to break it to you

2011-04-01T00:51:00.000+02:00

It is not disliking the kid who steals the doll in your childhood. It is not resenting the girl/boy who takes all the attention in your adolescence. And it's not the soreness that consumes you in the process of falling out of love.

It only happens when you meet face to face with reality. It darts through your heart, and creep inside your brain; only that's when you know it's nothing like you used to think.

It IS the rash you get out of allergy to something/someone. It IS getting disgusted by the mere thought of them, that mentioning them makes you sick to your stomach. It IS pitying their existence, learning to swear and curse in order to give them cool pet names. It IS the mental image you get, of their lives getting ruined, or their bodies rotting in hell; that might as well highlighten your day. It IS finding the guts to feel such surges of perplexed emotions.

If you can relate, don't feel bad nor proud. It's just a humane natural feeling as a reaction of being wronged. It will befriend you until you learn how to forgive those who shall never be forgiven.

My favorite mistake

2011-03-29T22:30:00.001+02:00

So this is how the story went
I met someone by accident
They blew me away
They blew me away

It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known

You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
And I could spend my whole life hiding my heart away

You dropped me off at the train station
Put a kiss on top of my head
Watched me wave
You watched me wave
Then you went on home to your skyscrapers
Neon lights and waiting papers
That you call home
You call it home

I woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain

Now, although I wish you were near
But that same old road that brought me here
Calling me home
Is calling me home

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known

You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
And I could spend my whole life hiding my heart away

Hiding my heart - Brandi Carlile

How to lose a friend, forever (1)

2011-03-28T14:05:00.008+02:00

Just when I thought it's common sense...

Always complain; take the drama queen to a new level. And make people think about how horrible your life is. Oh, you should totally win the biggest victim contest!
Don’t give them a room to talk; always talk about your favorite subject. What is your favorite subject? Yourself of course. Like the universe is revolving around you.
Be bossy, force your point of views. And don’t ever miss feeling big and in control.
Be harsh, and direct to a hurtful extent.
Steal their exes specially those who were tagged as unreasonable, asses and irresponsible (that makes you dumb too btw, for not learning from others' mistakes)
When they don’t seem interested, force your boring stories, conclusions, and drag them by force into your thing.
Don't call them and wait when they don’t, ambush them with cliche; rant about how bad friends they are for not calling.
Talk behind their backs to every walking soul, talk really bad. Insult them and spread their dirty secrets.
Envy them secretly to a hurtful extent. Try and destroy their self confidence for that matter.
Do whatever it takes to win attention, despite of them.
Do things regarding them without giving them the heads up. And when they know about it and ask, go like "it wasn’t a big deal anyway" or make up stories.
When you both are fighting, never see their side; YOU the one who are always right. And when they react, get mad and cut your relation off -- specially if it's your fault to begin with.
Lie to their face. And when they tell you they cant trust you, get mad.
For girls. When there are guys involved, give them priority. Specially those guys you barely know!
When they tell you a secret, please go splash it out (this one is a killer specially if they ask you to keep that specific one)
Discourage them in everything they do even though they might be good at it. And always spread negative energy.
When they have a rough patch, and need to talk about it, always diminish their feelings. Move on and start whining about yours, full blast. Even when they're sad, or crying, it doesn’t matter. The world should stop at your problems.
Take any of their things without permission (that includes people)
Forget about their big events. And don’t show up at birthdays, you know, to skip the b-day gift.
Blame them for everything has going on your life, blame them for advices they gave you, let them know that every shit in your life is because you chose to follow their advices.
When you get to know a new friend, completely forget about your oldest best ones.
Build traps for them to fall into.
When someone talks about them behind their back, don’t defend them. Just shut up or laugh about it.
Don’t confront. And when they do, turn tables, bring dirty laundry, or make up excuses to get out of this awkward situation.
When you have good news, keep them for yourself, might as well don’t contact your friends when you're happy. Keep them just for ranting and whining and bad times.

To be continued....

P.S. Special thanks to Lina -- for many reasons -- she's not yet a writer but she did a great job helping this material to get done. And for helping me over the years to realize how to be a good friend.

A country in denial

2011-03-25T14:22:00.004+02:00

إحنا بلد مفيهاش فتنه طائفيه

و كل دي اوهام، و عشان كده احنا بنحاول نثبت اننا كمسلمين و مسيحين مفيش فرق بنا و بنحاول نأكد و نبرر بكلام معسول و نأكد تاني عشان الناس تصدقنا.
معندناش عنصريه و لا فتن طائفيه، احنا بس كمسلمين بنتريق و بنسب للشيوخ المسلمين بكل طوائفهم و بكل اتجاهتهم.

إحنا بلد فيها ديمقراطيه و تفتح رهيب

لما حد بيعترض على كلامنا بتخنانق و بتشنج و بنطلع القطط الفطسه في ميتين اللي جابوه. و مش بس كده احنا مش بنسمع و لا بنراعي رأي الفرد و لا بنحترم رأي الاغلبيه و عندنا فن اسمه فن التبرير، لكل ما تعارض مع وجهه نظرنا.

إحنا بلد متفتحه و متنوره

بنعمم و بنمط كل حاجه، اللي بدقن ده لازم يبقى متشدد و متأخر. اللي من الاخوان ده عايز يقطعلنا ايدينا و يجلدنا و اللي بيعترض دايما صح.

أحنا بلد عندها وعي و ثقافه عاليه

بنمشي ورا اي كلام زي القطيع، و مش بس كده، احنا بنكرره من غير حتى منتأكد انشالله بزياره خاطفه لجوجل. منعرفش نعيش من غير زياطه و هيصه، و منسكتش الا لما تيجي حاجه جديده نستلمها.

لا الحقيقه، أحنا بلد معندهاش استعداد تصبر و تواجهه المشاكل اللي عندها و اولهم اننا لسه عندنا:
فتنه طائفيه
و ديكتاتويه فرديه
و ضيق فكر
و جهل

و ده عند أغلبنا و خاصه عند الناس اللي بتقول على نفسها مثقفه، كله عايش في عالم الانكار

Learn Your Body Shape

2011-03-24T21:37:00.003+02:00

Have you ever wondered why an outfit just looks great on someone, even though you might not particularly like the clothes? And why another outfit that you like very much can’t actually fit you? Have you ever gone crazy hunting high and low in order to find something that would fit and flatter your body? You try this and that, you drain your time and energy in shopping just to find the perfect fit, and sometimes your search goes in vain?

Bad news, most of us can’t really recognize the first basics, and instead they go with the trial and error method. We used to dress based on well known facts based on heights and weights, not paying much attention to the secret ingredient. It’s how your ‘body shape’ looks like; and that is the good news.

Am gonna give you some tips and tricks that you can use in order to recognize your shape and then to learn how to maintain and revamp your style into a personal fab brand new one, right away!

So let’s get started already!

What you gonna need:

A mirror
A measurement tool
Your eyes
Some previous personal info about yourself
And finally reading these tips

Now
Look at your overall silhouette in the nearest mirror — the contours of your frame and how your upper and lower half are in-line with each other — to give you an idea on what you’ll have to focus on to look proportional and determine yours out of the main known shapes:

Hourglass shape.
Pear shape.
Rectangle shape.
Apple shape.
Inverted Triangle shape.

Hourglass
aka: 8
The classic body shape, it’s considered to be the most ideal body shape because of its proportions. If you’re an hourglass, you have the potential to dress like a luscious Marilyn Monroe or Italian movie-star. In hourglass there is no “dragging point” in your frame that draws too much attention, well, except for your defined feminine waist! And yes, they all come in different sizes.

Call yourself an hourglass if...

Your shoulders and hips are symmetric.
You have a full, shapely bust.
You waist is distinctly defined.
You have shapely legs.
The waist is 20 cm to 30cm smaller than your hip or bust measurements.
Your gained weight would distribute evenly right to your curves.

Sisters’ celebrities:
Megan Fox, Salma Hayek, Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Kate Winslet and Jessica Biel

Pear
aka: triangle, spoon, Bell shape

The shape that you have is a natural womanly body shape. It’s hot and catchy, I bet you got all the stares and whistles; generally most men are attracted to the curves that you have. It’s just a part of our nature.

Call yourself a pear if..

You have a long or slender neck, and sloped shoulders.
Your bust and shoulders are proportionally narrower than your hip-line.
You have a well-defined waist.
Maybe your butt is full and curvy.
Your thighs are likely full or muscular.
You most likely have a balanced body or short legged vertical body shape.
Your Bottom size is 2 or more sizes bigger than your top size.
Your gained weight tends to show up below the waistline around your thighs and hips as opposed to your stomach and mid-section.

Sisters’ celebrities:
Oprah, Beyonce, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Coleen McLoughlin, Shakira and Jennifer Lopez

Rectangle

Currently this shape is the “ideal” shape for today’s top models; many women would kill for your athletic shape. There’s no main area you want to minimize so you can get away with more things than most. However you may crave more curves — an illusion easily created with the right clothing.

Call yourself a rectangle if...

Your neck is full.
You have a broad back.
Your bust is small to medium.
You have an undefined or little waist definition.
You may also have a flat bottom.
Slim long arms and slender lengthy legs.
Your waist measures from 2.5cm to 20cm smaller than the bust.
You may look shorter and heavier than you really are.
You most likely have a balanced body or long legged vertical body shape.
You wear the same size on your top and bottom halves.
If you were to gain/lose weight, it would distribute evenly throughout your frame.
If you are slim you resemble a ruler.

Sisters’ celebrities:
Cameron Diaz, Nicole Kidman, Hilary Duff, Sheryl Crow and Rachel Hunter

Inverted triangle
aka: strawberry/ V shape

An athletic body shape; your frame is quite common among catwalk models. And often your type of shape comes with nice, lean legs. This is the second best female shape.
Although the inverted triangle shape is the least common petite figure type, this shape is the envy of others because a full bust and wide shoulders bring emphasis to the top of the figure, rather than the hips and thighs. And yes, they all come in different sizes, as well.

Call yourself an inverted triangle if…

Your bust and shoulders are proportionally wider than your hips (so-called clothes hanger shoulders), projecting a sporty and athletic physique.
You have an undefined waists.
Your hips are narrow.
You might have slim legs related to this inverted shape.
You most likely are a long legged vertical body shape with proportionally slim legs.

Sisters’ celebrities:
Renee Zellweger, Naomi Campbell, Teri Hatcher and Demi Moore

Apple
aka oval/diamond/round

You’re pretty in proportion but tend to have a softer fuller middle without a well-defined waist. You have the overall appearance of being round especially around the waist-line. You might appear top heavy. And your bust and mid-riff might appear bigger than your hips.

Call yourself an apple if:

You have fuller face and neck.
Your shoulders are broad.
You have fuller Breasts.
Your waist is undefined.
Your hips are narrow.
You have a flat rear end.
Your legs are sharp.
Torso and upper body wider than your hips.
One or two sizes bigger top than bottom.
When Apples gain weight, they have a tendency to gain in the midsection.
Usually thinner apple shapes resemble rectangle and inverted triangle because of their wide upper body. But once they gain weight, the fat gets stored around your upper half, making your torso look top-heavy and curvy.

Sisters’ celebrities:
Angelina Jolie, Chandra Wilson, Rosie O’Donnell, Jennifer Hudson and Elizabeth Hurley

So, what is your shape?

Learn Your Body Shape - Fashionza

2011-03-24T15:01:00.001+02:00

Dear lady followers,

I know I promised you a year ago to give you hijab fashion tips, but life been crazy ever since that I couldn't get the thing done. Thing is, it takes so much time because it's not only a personal experience it's rather lots of reading, observing and researches; I want to give you the full confirmed info.

Anyway, my first post is already out, as a part of Jessyz series "For Women". So please, don't miss it there. And I promise, I'll work tooth and nail in order to cover the whole fashion/hijab area.

Stay tuned -- for another year or so, Just kidding!

PS. You're more than welcome to give feedbacks or requests, either here or by e-mail.

Confession #33

2011-03-23T22:20:00.003+02:00

It really sucks when people -- you live with -- confuse series of wrongful attitudes with "righteous", without even making any sense. What sucks more, when you try to talk some sense into them and they give you strange looks and non-sense speeches.
And when you give up after so many failed attempts of changing that, they try so hard to drag you into the scene -- even though they know how much you hate it, and even though you're not even remotely a part of it -- and making up fights just because you chose to shut the hell up/ignore/avoid getting involved. And that is when it sucks the most.

On a related note: I don't like dependent guys (or should I say boys), they piss me off. And their mommies give me rashes.

It was never over, and it still isn't over!

2011-03-20T00:10:00.005+02:00

He picked the phone, called her

Ignited the fire back

Promised they will slow dance together, one day..

She listened to his voice closely

Teared a bit
Her heart went faster

And this night, she finally slept dearly...

Dreamt of him

But...she always wakes up!

The movie of my life

2011-03-18T17:29:00.007+02:00

~~500 Days of Summer is one of my top favorite movies of all time.~~
No, scratch that.
500 Days of summer is the movie of my life...

In some weird way I find Summer and Tom both are flip sides of myself..

Summer:
First impressions: a normal girl, less talky and a tad mysterious.
A while after you know her you'd find a practical, bit cynical girl, weird with a stubborn mindset. People sometimes call her a mean heartless bitch, who seems tough and emotionless enough to not believe in fairytales or childish myths, to think that love is utter nonsense.
She tends to play life safe not to leave her comfort zone. And before you know it, she starts building walls around herself, for people not to cross. She's also subtle enough to keep her vibes and have her fun wherever she is. She's a free bird who does absolutely what she wants to do, and wishes she will never have to stick to something or someone ever.

Tom:
Is a soft, tender human being, a hopeful soul. who sees a chance in the impossible and fight for it just because he believes. He's a persistence and sometime his beliefs might take him outta line. He has this gorgeous kindness. He takes himself seriously, sometimes fools himself and pressure it just to flatter other people, and to help the ship going. Wants to feel secure and believe in bubbly dreams and great expectations. A boy who sees good things in people no matter how random and occult it might seem. But sadly he lives in a world where good things don't happen to him. In a nutshell, he is my concealed soft spot.

"In a way it sort of says too much by saying so little..."

And need I say that I strongly relate to every single minute of this this movie? I totally lived the story, two-way. Bipolar much?

I guess my theory applies to many people, no?

P.S. Again, I cant help but commenting on the vintage fashion style, it was extra amazing.

I braved a hundred storms to leave you

2011-03-08T22:52:00.000+02:00

There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling we could have had it all

Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one of you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow

You're gonna wish you never had met me

We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.

Rolling in the deep - Adele

Ooh the people I've met..

2011-03-07T19:56:00.003+02:00

Couple of days ago I met a sister of an old friend whom I barely seen in the last 8 years. I love meeting old friends, feels so good catching up. But after the small talk, she mentioned something -- out of the blue -- that made me literally gaze my eyes and drop my jaw; she said how unwillingly I affected her and her sister for taking a life changing decision.

I didn't see that coming, not from her, and not at that time, not at all. Not that it was weird, it actually happened before, but still it was kinda surprising for many reasons:

Coming from a person I had no direct connection with.
That in the past I wasn't half of what I am today.
Finding out I was unwillingly doing exactly what am looking forward to do in my life ahead -- affecting people one way of another. It's was a moment of epiphany.
How currently am underestimated and been taken for granted to the tears.
And finally, am fascinated by how they let me know -- not many people let you know. And the timing am provided with the info is just perfect!

Am proud of myself and I really feeling am doing something good to be reassured. Thank god for the little things!

How to be a lousy parent

2011-03-03T14:58:00.003+02:00

My first take in Jessyz blog party 'For Women'. Check it here!

For women

2011-03-03T01:14:00.002+02:00

Ladies and...um ladies,

This March is quite different. Why? glad you asked! Because the fellow blogger Jessyz invited that amazing idea, to host yet another blog party; written by women and dedicated 'for women'. I am sure you'll enjoy every post and also will find them quite useful.

Stay tuned!

Unsolicited Preference

2011-03-01T01:07:00.007+02:00

Early in life I used to get everything the hard way. And I mean it. EVERYTHING. Education, info, money, friends, lessons included, as well. Early in life you think life gets better, if you get older. Only it doesn't, and it didn't for me either. Things proceeded being harder, and the list went longer. As I grew old relationships got harder, even gaining trust or love. Finding a job, getting closer to friends, and also money.

No, No. Don't get me wrong, am not complaining. It actually grew to be a part of me. Whenever am faced with several options, I choose the hardest. The more loads of work and the harder they are, the more I feel alive I achieved something. And as much agitated challenges make me, they become a bit of a turn on. Crossing the tallest barriers, makes my day..oh wait, it makes my life. The older I get, the more trophies I collect, the prouder I am...and the more I yearn for even more difficulties and obstacles to come.

Here is one great tip: If you ever wanted to freak me out, just offer an easy deal. Then grab a bite and enjoy the show...

This track is so inspiring (I like the second half)!

بالنسبه للإستخارة؟

2011-02-28T15:56:00.002+02:00

بنواجه مشاكل أو مفترق طرق و اول حاجه بنعملها اننا نستخير. ناس تستنى اشاره او علامه من ربنا، ناس تستنى حلم، و ناس تانيه تسلم امرها لله. أنا من الناس اللي بستريح لأني اسلم امري لربنا مع تحكيم العقل، بس بكون واثقه انه هيوجهني للطريق الصح.

بس في أغلب الاوقات في حاجه غريبه بتحصلي. أستخير، أستريح لأختيار معين وأبدأ اتحرك على أساسه و بعد فتره -- بعد مالفاس تقع في الراس -- أبدأ اغير رأي. و ده الغريب لأني مش من النوع اللي بيغير رايه او المتردد، انا دايما صارمه في قرارتي و أختياراتي و لو حصل و مكنتش عارفه اختار بريح دماغي و بختار الحياديه.

أنا عارفه ان لكل حاجه معاد و وقت و ان اكيد في سبب للي بيحصل، بس ده فعلا بيحصلي كتير و خلاني احس اني بعمل حاجه غلط. جايز مش عارفه اصلي زي البني أدمين مثلا؟ و لا في دروس المفروض تكون مستفاده و أنا مش بستفيد ولا حاجه؟

Makeshift

2011-02-24T23:10:00.004+02:00

She, who's been known for being cynical, awfully logical, strict rules-follower, and an ugly practical. She, who's been looking for only marvelous, to spot and follow. Who made her life harder by heightening her standards' ceiling and aiming to where she can't reach. Who Challenged the impossible, and gave herself false hopes.

She, who got sick of exerted herself, of hearing nonsense, of the cryptic endings. She, who got bored of watching people go places but herself, of despising looks, and the days that linger. She, who went nowhere in life with the rules she kept sticking to. They only made her more confused, more frightened, and somehow blind.

She, one day been told "If I ever have to change, better be for you" and many other little things she chose to ignore on her deluding ride of chasing mirages. So now, she decides to take a stance, to rip the old pages apart, and to start with yet another clean slate. To take a break from the 'SHE' she used to be, to detour her path in life, and to oblige herself to throw 'logic' down the drain for a change. She decides to break rules -- her rules, to ditch the not-so-cool perfection, and to take the plunge.

Maybe she's not destined for abnormality she thought she'd own. Maybe her course in life is to find the marvelous between the lines. To turn the dust into gold, to brighten the dim light, if only she would give it a chance. Cause at the end of the day, all a girl wants, is to be appreciated, to be the queen of her own world. Maybe life is not as hard as she thought it'd be, after all.

Egyptian tale #Jan25 - 2 - 18 days took a toll on me

2011-02-20T22:26:00.015+02:00

The period started Jan 25 and ended Feb 11, felt like forever. The longest and the most exciting 18 days ever. It was the 18 days of handful conflicts when it comes to feelings.

It broke my heart that I didn't revolt even though I was a supporter from the very first day
I wanted to participate and chant against the tyranny. I wanted to feel the pride, the excitement of a hunter's prey at the head light. I wanted to be part of it, to tell my children and my grandchildren about my/our great accomplishment. I wanted to say loud and clear, I helped toppling the dictator, and gained freedom for ourselves and for generations to come.

From my position -- in front of the TV -- I was dead worried, about people, about Egypt, about the cause, about the history and the future. I loathed sleep, food, and I couldn't concentrate. I had weird dreams (am still having them). But I also had a weird positive power that was unwillingly moving me forward. It was faith: faith in Allah, faith in our strength, in our own good, in tomorrow. Luckily I was able to pass that energy to some other people. It was something that was making me rather rational, quiet and hopeful.

------

February 2nd, 2011

Mubarak's -- the toppled ex president -- popular speech was intense for some people, left some to tears, some flipped beliefs by "the power of words". But emotional blackmailing tactics never work with me. I wasn't even slightly affected, not a tiny little goosebump, NOTHING. Me and the whole family were rounding the TV and I was the first to break the silence when the speech was done, and my first words were "أحنا اضحك علينا"

My question is, what that makes me: heartless? Practical? Cold? Having a see-through super power? I am serious I might need a psychological explanation for that! But whatever it was, I really like it, I like the fact that I don't fall for those traps.

------

February 4th, 2011

Couple of days later -- precisely in the day called "Friday of departure" -- Tahrir square was unbelievably beautiful. I was shaking to my very core, seeing the square packed with people, seeing the prayers, the chants. My heart was literally dancing, my eyes was filled with tears of joy. I went to an amazing trance, I knew it was my peak of happiness.

Later in the same night, I had quivers of faith, I turned a complete 180. I took my things and moved to my room (where there is no TV). Tried my best to find distractions. Suddenly the bubble busted, and I broke into tears, a huge rush of feelings that I never thought they existed in me. In a moment I was hopeless, scared, anxious, and depressed. From that moment on I turned my denial on, the perfect defense mechanism!

------

February 8th, 2011

Another couple of days passed, and Wael Ghonim was released after 12 days of detaining. He showed up in TV right after his release. As simple as natural as it was, he reversed Mubarak's curse. He brought people to life, he ignited the anger, he was the fuel to the cracking old ride that decided to crash couple of minutes away from the destination.

For me, I didn't cry (as usual), although he shattered my heart to pieces. But I felt angry, happy, sympathetic, energetic, speechless, excited and every reaction in the text book!

------

February 10th, 2011

The last Mubarak's speech was yet another disappointment for most people. Using games is just an old tactic, it doesn't mess with us anymore, rather makes us angrier and more demanding. People got scared, and angry. I don't know exactly what happened to me, but I didn't get my hopes high prior to the speech and I was lulling and hopeful once again after it, for no apparent reason.

------

February 11th, 2011

That takes us to the next day -- when it was least expected-- Omar Suleiman appeared with his last speech about Mubarak stepping down. I can't really remember the speech, all I remember is all the screaming (blondy-style screams) and all the dancing with my brother. It was such a victorious moment!

------

يا مصر.. قام العليل.. رجعت له أنفاسُه
وباس جبين الوطن.. مال الوطن باسُه
من قبل موته بيوم.. صحُّوه أولاده
من كان سبب علته.. محبته لناسه

الأبنودي

To be continued....

Egyptian tale #Jan25 - 1- Why we got trooped

2011-02-07T19:35:00.006+02:00

So people are different, I get that. People have descended from a great deal of environments and backgrounds, they have major contradictory of mindsets. People have priorities in life, that make absolutely different targets, goals, and insights.

Perfectly makes sense what happened in Egypt in the past week. The obvious bold line between the way people see the status. So, let's analyze it logically:

Some people want to feel safe, the idea of other get killed, of thefts and the state of chaos is irritating.
Some want to resume the normal life, change scares them.
Others need their daily bread, which got to be a hardship in the recent turmoil.
Others choose to be positive and fight for democracy, rights and freedom, for tyranny to be held back.
Others who have a further perspective for a better future in Egypt as a package.
And others who go with the flow, who has no big picture. Their fuel here is some gossips here and there (and believe me they exist in both sides, and you can easily spot them. Let me exclude those, they don't make sense anyway)

I've been called names, mocked and heard things that got absolutely to my nerves. I lost patience, I mocked, I got high blood pressure, and physical symptoms. It happened to all of us.

But then it hit me, that I was rather mistaken, that what I have different, that I'm one of the people who call for democracy, freedom of speech, freedom of opinions, That's why I have to accept, to respect, and to appreciate. That I root for changing the world, I want to fix things, that is why I have to be patient, that I have to have an eye to spot what needs to be fixed, that I should accept that some things need to be fixed to begin with. It hit me that we're all relatively right, not only me or my gang, that arguing my cause is just a waste of time.

So here is a call for a civil acceptance, for some mind opening for the sake of better Egypt. That's a call for those who want a better tomorrow to start, facing the very first psychological-social challenge. Cause we all are standing under the same roof, and that's our meeting point!

.....To be continued

Update: (My recent Facebook status. The heads-up goes here too)

I know I just wrote about appreciating, acceptance and democracy. But I owe it to Wael Ghonim to defend him, and not only him, I owe it to whoever busy representing me and my cause.

You're free to disagree, to have your mind set on whatever you like, but if you dare and ever call them bad names, beware I might bite your face!

Egyptian tale #Jan25 - Intro

2011-02-06T22:04:00.004+02:00

Click the photo for credits

Through my eyes there is an overwhelming number of stories to narrate, there is a major sum of incidents to document, there is an epic picture to project.

For yesterday, I was a girl who stood on the verge of hopelessness, who lost faith in a better tomorrow, who was living like a zombie at one time. I am a girl who used not to trust, who used not to dream, who used to curb her free spirit, and silent her rebellious voice.

But today, I am a girl with a fresh born patriotism, with a full tank of enthusiasm, with a handful of bubbly dreams. I am a girl who can breathe in the toughest crisis, who can see-through tomorrow, who can sleep with both eyes closed, knowing that everything IS going to be OK.

I am a girl who witnessed a history, who saw Egypt's good in people in a vicious world. I am one lucky EGYPTIAN girl.

And finally, for whoever advised me not to hate the game but the players. For whoever told me that deep down I love my country, that I am just not aware of it. For whomever I blamed for sticking to faith and for believing in a better tomorrow.

I am deeply sorry for that. And here is your glorious moment, feel free to gloat, I can sure take your "I told you so" s

PS. Mark my words, this is the first post of mine tagged 'Egypt' without 'nonsense'

.....To be continued

!آه يا بلد

2011-01-27T03:19:00.000+02:00

Heartbreaking video of the state in Egypt, for the world to see!

Confession #32

2011-01-25T19:58:00.000+02:00

Hi. My name is Marwa. And am addicted to twitter...

Dammit I want my twitter back! #$$%&^%@#$

Lesson #5

2011-01-24T16:08:00.000+02:00

Every human being possess dimensions of success and dimensions of failure. Successful men can end up being miserable or less happy. Good friends can end up being bad spouses or parents.

Trying to be perfect is a waste of time and energy. Perfection is an illusion. So, quit being nothing and no one.

The Social Network

2011-01-20T18:47:00.001+02:00

Weird poster, but catchy!

If you love facebook THAT much...

If you're into impressive success stories and also REALLY have time to watch a two-hours movie rather than reading the story here or here in 15 minutes or less.

If you're not into analyzing that much, and might take the whole stereotypical thing and go like "WOW, this is such a great movie" regardless what it may lack....

If your 'top' favorite movies are Avatar, Amelie, Titanic, Juno, or Matrix...

Unlike me, you're absolutely gonna love this one.

I don't know, maybe it's me. I don't go well with overrated, popular, or things with such a huge fuss. They instantly turn me off!

So, I didn't like it THAT much, I find its reputation is rather overrated. Yea it's a nice movie with such an outstanding acting, good directing, but in the end the word is just NICE.

Did you hear me laughing in your head?

2011-01-19T01:03:00.000+02:00

Gone too far in lifelessness

2011-01-16T18:11:00.002+02:00

Some positive outcomes of that nonchalance state I've been having lately: That I no longer care, I don't wait, I don't expect, I don't have needs (well, I do have some, I only don't care about filling them). To say the least, I've became a perfect introverted person with nothing to worry about.

Don't get me wrong I do love this state, I really love it. it's just weird. Specially for someone who's growing up as an anxious, rebellious, like myself.

I actually could do that for a life time, only it requires some qualifications though. Maybe if I ever lived alone, with no responsibilities or obligations what-so-ever. Maybe then I'll be having the perfect life. It kinda reminded me of Equilibrium, how perfect is that?

But, however, I guess this one rather started as an inner defense mechanism against the emotional battle that has been going in the past couple of years. And in the end, when the feelings couldn't be vented, when the shrieks didn't feel heard they retreated and decided to subside. They compromised -- like I used to do -- by lapsing into a corner and just shut up. They raised the white flag, and let the defense mechanism announcing the great glory.

The problem is, I am not living alone, I have responsibilities, and I have obligations and needs to fill. I am young and I have a life to live. This is not how it's supposed to be....It's just, lifeless.

Dancing on a faultline

2011-01-16T01:03:00.004+02:00

Just let me drown In a future, with no expectations, with no fear of losing.
Let me live the sweet dream, that feels real.
Let me rummage for a fairytale, that somehow perfectly legitimate.
Let me stay inside the safe embrace, even when it sometimes feels hostile.
Let me make perfect mistakes that feels just right.
Let me cease heartaches, one at the time. Let me exhale the gloom out.
Let me cross bridges, let me burn them.
Let me steal those moments. Let me forget the world, in spite of me.
Let me feel like I belong, in a home that feels less of a home.....

It's weary, but somehow euphoric; the gravity that keeps me coming back for more, that keeps you avid.
The chemistry that keeps my mind ambushing for a chance to let you in. It's the weakness in the knee, the butterflies fondling the guts.

This rather not an addiction, but it's only somehow soothing

...like a peaceful tune.

It is authentic

.....like love.

"The only way to stop those waves from hitting me is to leave that shore and just do other things with my life… but I always keep coming back to those waves, willingly, lingering for them to wash all over me with all those mixed emotions that just exhaust my heart." ~ Insomniac

Confession #31

2011-01-15T15:08:00.000+02:00

My least favorite spoken words in the world wide words

I LOVE YOU

I don’t say, and I hate to hear

Unless they're true…..

Pen To Paper

2011-01-12T02:37:00.001+02:00

She started at a young age, I couldn't believe someone this young could have such a profound way with words. She fashions them in the most piquant, vivid forms. It's an innate power she have that always shake me to the bone.
And FYI it might the first time for me to admit it, but she was one of the reasons I started writing.

Ladies and gentlemen....

Please meet the new fellow blogger Yara and her awesome new blog Pen To Paper

Yara baby, you gonna rock the blogosphere world!

Do you think you know what 'Hurt' means?

2011-01-10T18:05:00.005+02:00

Don't start with me, you won't begin to know how this feels.

PLEASE! Don't play the victim here, don't put that fake sad face on, don’t go nagging about losing friends when you're the reason to begin with.

You actually think that I fell for your crappy coward kissing-a** attitude? You think that I fell for your sweet talk or your thoughtful gifts? You think that am that naive? Well here is newsflash for you, I know the little games, I have seen enough to distinguish. It makes me wanna puke my guts out, every time. It wasn’t such a shock, I knew you won't last long in my life. And thank god for getting there soon enough.

Honey, do yourself a favor and cut the act. Cut the drama queen am-lonely-shit. I hate to break it to you, but If anything you're a spoiled brat who will ALWAYS fail to keep anyone around.
And let me give you some tips for picking up my slack. Pile it with some arrogance, some shit, a little some of insecurities and lies. Cause that's how it works for him. Didn't I mention that? Oh Yea, I have been there too, and I learned the hard way.
Bring on dirty laundry, play in the dark and please, turning table tactics would work just fine. Make sure you'd make a good rebound. That's exactly what he needs.

I could actually write you a whole book of what you gonna encounter. Oh wait...am sorry, I can't, we're not friends anymore! You have to see it yourself, so good luck with that.

FYI even if I considered having the slightest chance for things to get better in the future, you ruined it. Even if I had some hope that things might get back to the track, you proved that it was wrong to give you the benefit of the doubt and you showed me that I was right from the very beginning, loud and clear. Hallelujah, YOU made your choice. You got your clear getaway.

Thank you for making it easier for me, thank you for being the idiotic back stabbing *itch.

Hey, you can't laugh last If I stab you in the throat with the knife you left in my back.

Random observation

2011-01-08T02:54:00.000+02:00

Man, karma REALLY knows what she's doing.

I wish.....

2011-01-07T18:25:00.000+02:00

I was more appreciated, in life.

Just STOP haunting me

2011-01-06T21:44:00.000+02:00

I don't get it, why do I have to stand here knowing am not alone in this? Why should I take it? Why should you take it? WHY?

Am not really content, am not really convinced.

I really want straight answers, something to speak my mind, not just your usual crap. Something to speak your mind. Some logic for a change.

Forgoing this chance is a crime. And along with ceasing my breaths, repushing my feelings, my hopes and my tears. Along with living in denial with striving for some peace. Trying desperately to start a clean slate, AGAIN? And knowing that it's not only me, this is just plain torture.

It's not like I can't, I can do it, I can survive. I just can't live with those questions. I need something to block the surges of whys, hows, whens and what ifs.

ابداً لن تنساني

ابداً لن تنسى

ابدٌ من الندم ينتظرك

من اضاعني قضى وحيداً كحصان

لا مربط بعدي لقلبه

2011-01-04T22:34:00.012+02:00

     

An idiot

A big idiot 

Yes, you are..

You're an idiotic coward idiot

Your stupidity reached a new level



But sadly, it will never top mine... 


Your      mind is always changing.
You say so all the time.
Don’t know how long you’re staying.
That will be your choice, not mine.

Think you’re going to make me run,
Make me run, make me run.
Think I’m glad that I’m still young,
Now you’ve begun to have your fun.

Your eyes are always straying.
You want whatever’s far.
I hear the words you’re saying.
I’m learning you, by heart.
I will know you, by heart.

Think you’re going to take your time,
Drink your wine, move on to mine.
Music plays, the singer sways,
And you can say – you always move in time.

By Heart - SYLVIE LEWIS 

Heartbreaks and beyond

2011-01-04T19:46:00.007+02:00

لماذا كابر إذن كلّ تلك السنوات ؟
لماذا كان يشقى و يشقيها به ؟
لماذا كان يبكي في السرّ.. و يبكيها ؟
لماذا و هو البدويّ الغيور كغزال عربيّ تركها لرجل غيره؟

من الأرجح أن احتمال خسارتها لم يكن في حسبانه. فالرجل يعتقد أن المرأة موجودة أصلًا لانتظاره و أنّها أضعف من أن تأخذ قرار الانفصال أو تلتزم به. لكنّ ثمّة حدًّا يصبح فيه الإخلاص إهانة للذات. وأشهد أنّها أخلصت له حتى بعد الفراق. أخلصت كما تخلص امرأة عصريّة تقع في حبّ شيخ قبيلة. و ما كان شيخًا. كان رجلًا أحبّها ببداوة. و ما توقّع كم بإمكان امرأة أن تعطي و كم في وسعها أن تنتظر حتى يأتي القدر يومًا و يهديها حبًّا ينسيها شقاءها

يعتقد الرجل و هو يتخلّى عن حبّ حياته، أنّه ينتصر لكبريائه. فتقبّل الخسارات الفادحة لمجرد رفع التحدي ليس أكثر، هو جزء من فحولة تاريخنا العربي، الذي يضحّي فيه الحاكم المستبد بوطن ويسلّمه للمحتل حتى لا يخسر ماء وجهه و يتنازل عن عناده ! يأبى الرجل أن يعود إلى حبّه الكبير بعد قطيعة معتذرًا ومنكسرًا. تربيته تمنعه أن يرى في لحظة ضعفه أمام الحبّ أجمل لحظات عمره على الإطلاق. إنّه الحبّ الذي كان يمكن أن يولد مرة أخرى من رماده و من غيابه و جراحه أكثر جمالًا ونضوجًا

ثمة نوعان من الشقاء: الأول ألا تحصل على ما تتمناه. والثاني أن يأتيك وقد تأخر الوقت و تغيّيرت انت، وتغيّرت الأمنيات بعد ان تكون قد شقيت بسببها بضع سنوات

أحلام مستغانمي

ALAS!

2011-01-03T15:52:00.004+02:00

Disclaimer: This post might come offensive for some people. By any means, I don't mean any offense. I am just stating the obvious from where I stand and from my point of view, maybe it would help people re-moderate.

Am not generalizing, it's rather for the majority of mind-extremist, and unrestrict-tongued, who don't know the weight of their words, and live by the motto "الكلام مش بفلوس". Cause it's at best, provoking!

As much as I really hate taking sides, mingling or talking -- but it's the thing Egyptians do best. Am gonna talk now cause am triggered not to. It's not about what's happening, rather about reactions, media, social networks, the new level of...umm shitness.

Egyptians, they tend to overreact to the extent that would make their rage backfire. And after that last incident:

They started by justifying for islam, like it needs justifying!

They share false alarms that would do nothing but igniting the whole situation

They show sympathy, raising the "وحدة وطنية" flags. umm هو اللي على راسه بطحة؟

And now they're insulting huge religious figures!!!! and the people who won't SHOW OFF like they do.

They watch Egyptian talk shows, news, read newspapers, share and talk about it all the time. It's like they need something to obsess about, like throwing a ball to a dog (need I say more?)

Am not against being angry or getting upset, what is happening is REALLY heart breaking. what I mean is that people put no discipline when it comes to rage or reactions I might say. Not to mention that there is nothing they can do here. So you either find something to do or quit radiating negative energy all over the place. What's the use of that anyway?

Dear Egyptians, please face it, it's not only a one dimensional catastrophe, it also lies within everyone of us. Watch your reaction, your actions, and what result you come up with.

Marriage Thoughts (12) - Stereotypic Egyptian weddings

2011-01-02T21:40:00.002+02:00

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part (6-1) - Part (6-2) - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11

Why they suck:

They're so last decade.
Loud, very very loud. headaches stay with me two days in a raw at best.
Large unnecessarily crowd.
Old people who are attending just for gossiping and envying every walking soul, aka عواجيز الفرح
So much money for non sense.
I don't know but I find being obligated to dance is kinda lame. + bride's dancing 10 baladi around with the groom is kinda inappropriate. Come on people get a room!
Djs OMG the same songs, are playing over and over again.
Video taping, photographers, same programs over and over. The whole package is just ughhh.
And for those who always go like "عايزين نفرح" I don't think it's the only way for that to happen. You can celebrate in 100 different creative way and you'll still get the same result. oh wait doesn't marriage itself is happiness enough for you?
Most of all I hate the phrase "هي ليلة في العمر" w ba3d kda eh? hanmoot?

Dear friends with upcoming weddings, if you insist, please be creative. Make it more fun for god's sake. otherwise don't invite me.

If you have any other reasons please feel free to add =D

Am sick of being used

2011-01-01T21:38:00.003+02:00

I resent him now just as much as I loved him then. I hate that feeling. It is bothering me. He is bothering me. It makes me feel weak, bitter, needy, and sick. I decided to let it out once and for all. I am looking now at his picture and I am forcing all the memories that I have blocked to come out; our first meeting and how I was so turned off by his lack of determination and laid back attitude; our first phone call and how his voice annoyed me; our first outing and why I had no interest in his lame conversation and anecdotes; our first week and how I spared no effort to push him away. My first angry email and how hurt I was. Our first breakup and how I missed him. It is all flowing back into my head now.

I got used to the voice that once annoyed me. I longed for the words that never interested me. I needed his presence in my life regardless of the definition. I settled for friendship and had to listen to his previous escapades, current flings, and future plans with someone who will never be me. Occasionally, I would compile the strength to walk away only to relapse into him again like an incurable addiction to a fatal drug. I tired all the tricks in the book; pros and cons lists, motivational post-its on my mirror, feminist articles, survival songs, chocolates, and other partners. Nothing worked. He knew that he was graciously stepping on my ego. He knew I was insulted and in love. He enjoyed looking at the new addition to his collection of broken-hearted women. In his condescending patronizing tone, he refused to validate my feelings, and withheld from apologizing.

One day, he was telling me – his friend – about his new amour when all of a sudden my green-eyed monster rose from the ashes and breathed fire in his face. His words literally and physically hurt me. Listening to him talk about the new kid on the block gave me the feeling of hundreds of little bees stinging my shoulder. We hung up that day and never spoke again. I put him, my feelings for him, and all my memories with him in a big box and threw it down the gutters of my deep psyche. That was almost a year ago and I never missed him once since then. I got off the ground, shook the dust off my clothes, straightened my hair, wiped my face, and walked away.

If I were to choose a color for that feeling – the feeling of resentment – I would opt for silver. Silver is the color of bullets, knives, swords, scalpels, and all cutting tools. It is the color of chains, cuffs, shackles, and all restraining equipment. It is the mirror that only reflects your words and actions; it shows you nothing but yourself, your anger, and your resentment. It is the glamorous version of the dull grey. It is a color that smells and tastes like rust, and feels and looks like dust. Like a relationship that went belly up, silver has neither a soul nor a core; it is just the mummification of what was once alive. Sparkling ashes are still ashes and gun powder is what is left after a gun shot.

Silver is not a solid color; it is a metal. Metals are cold, sharp and they expand under heat and tend to shrink in the cold. Like my resentment of him, he is made of silver. He himself is a cutting edge that wounds women who come his way. I am not the only one; they all have been on his rollercoaster. The ride starts with a lot of anticipation, eagerness, and excitement, and then once it reaches the point where the girl develops any sort of attachment to him, the relationship goes downhill. It deteriorates slowly, painfully, and heavily. He backs off and she plays hide and seek with herself; she hides from the resentment and seeks inner peace. She either becomes a face from the past or a trophy among many others. He is a collector.

Seeing his picture or hearing his name evokes the unresolved anger and animosity that I have been harboring against him. Last week his name came up in a casual conversation and I felt the bitter silver-ish taste in my mouth. I was silently fuming as I remembered my bruised ego. I sat there gritting my teeth and trying to smile when I really wanted to scream and yell at whoever dared mention his name in my presence. I tried hard to name 10 good things about him and I only thought of one. I tried to push him back into the black box but he was out and the silver ashes were suffocating me; my eyes hurt, my nose itched, and my skin was irritated as I struggled for a breeze. I decided to spit the silver ball out of my system.

Passively waiting and wishing that time will wash away the silver residue was not working. This is why I ran to my laptop and decided to write one last time about him. I will no longer push my resentment down; I will let it surface and will capture its metallic essence in a tight mesh and throw it away.

Marwa Rakha - Source

Lesson #4

2011-01-01T01:23:00.001+02:00

My new approach in life;

Men are bad creatures, seriously they're bad, mean and evil. And yes offense, am stereotyping, and generalizing until I see otherwise!

Confession #30

2011-01-01T01:15:00.001+02:00

I am wronged, used, drained, and in denial.

Confession #29

2010-12-30T15:11:00.000+02:00

Sometimes wrong feels just righteous.

Narcissist much?

2010-12-30T00:28:00.002+02:00

I am pretty

I am a girl with wits

I am well educated

I am special

I leave my magic touch everywhere

I have genuine respected background

I have so much interests

And am good at what I do

Am the girl that everybody loves

I affected many lives, and I sill do

I am fun

I am talanted

I am interesting

I am hot

I am strong

I am a girly girl

But am not perfect

I do have serious defects
but I will choose to ignore them...
cause that's how awesome I am

I just know my worth

And I am posting this in my blog, in public.

You can call it narcissism, you can call it arrogance

but believe it or not, I am also very humble

I just happen to have an ego with the size of planet earth

Aaaaah btw in your face you reluctants!

No surprises...

2010-12-28T16:51:00.000+02:00

It's just too good to be true!

Black Swan

2010-12-28T12:03:00.001+02:00

One word: PERFECT!

Happiness Project (Boot Camp): Week 47

2010-12-27T22:23:00.001+02:00

Resolution of this week: Revel in your accomplishments.
Thought of the week: Now and then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.

Annnnd the Happiness Project is done

Hope you enjoyed it =)

Maybe all we are is a memory

2010-12-27T01:51:00.005+02:00

Dear you,

Sometimes I think about you, about what we had, about how things turned out to be. I believe it was all for a reason and I think I already know it.

However

I want you to know that....

I fell for you, for everything we had in common, for everything am not and wished I was. But I'm not sure if it was our similarities that conflicted or that we couldn't navigate our differences.

I could count me bitching around and scaling things based on my old baggages, your patience span, and the way we started things, that gave a room for guessing....I'd give million reasons, you name it, but in the end it doesn't matter.

I was dying for acceptance, for security, and I wasn't even aware of that. I wasn’t ready for any of this but it was a needed slap.

You were right about me, and that pushed my buttons. You knew how to get me out of my system and let me see myself inside out, am not sure if you deliberated it but it really helped.

And yes (you were right about that too) am a neat freak, I tend to sort everything out, I prone to "put labels" everywhere and that's who I am.
And here is where I put a label on you, where I sort you of the few good people I met. At least you're honest, at least you're up-front. And this for sure one hell of the things I will never find, ever again.

Now I know -- maybe not entirely -- but I know better than yesterday.

I want you to know that you're not just some random person. I want you to know that you left a mark on me, that you helped me more than you can even imagine. That am very grateful for what you did.

Dear you,

I wish you all the best.

Some hilarious treat

2010-12-25T18:37:00.001+02:00

Mac: You know, it takes discipline to raise a kid, you know? You got to set rules, you got to set ground rules.

Charlie Kelly: Set some boundaries.
You know, like, um, don't have 'em, like, doing cocaine, uh, get them off the Internet, you know?

Mac: Yeah, oh, the Internet is a very, very dangerous place.

Charlie Kelly: Kids spend all their time on the Internet. *acting like he's typing* Hi. Who are you. Oh, there's your p***. and there's your butt.

Mac: You got to learn from someone books...Give 'em some books.

Charlie Kelly: Well, reading too many books...

Mac: Well, you don't want 'em to be a nerd.

Charlie Kelly: You don't want 'em to be a nerd.

Mac: I am not raising a nerd, bro!

Charlie Kelly: If it's a nerd, I'm gonna bash his head in.

Mac: Nerds get nowhere in life.

Charlie Kelly: Oh, my God, is he a nerd?* I could bash some nerds right now.

Mac: Well, right after this we should probably bash nerds. I got to get it out of my system.

Charlie Kelly: Bash some nerds. *straightening up his body*

Mac: Absolutely.
Do you know what, you got to teach him how to beat nerds up.

Charlie Kelly: He's got to be beating nerds up. This is a good idea for raising a kid

Mac: I feel we have a lot of ideas about raising a kid.

Charlie Kelly: We are men who can be great dads, we have great opinions...

Mac: Yeah, and that's all that parenting is. Pretending you know what you're talking about and then jamming it down a kid's throat.

Charlie Kelly: Oh, my God, that's what we're gonna do.

Mac: When I see that baby, dude, we're gonna run towards it, I'm gonna grab it, I'm gonna pick him up...

Charlie Kelly: And jam shit down his throat! *loudly*

Mac: Dude.

Charlie Kelly: Dude, we're gonna be the dad. *hi fiving*. We're so much better dads than these guys.

~ It's always sunny in Philadelphia

*The kid isn't born yet.

الخيبه التقيله

2010-12-25T15:34:00.003+02:00

و الفرح امتى؟

و فين؟

و هتلبسي ايه؟

و فلانه جايه الفرح؟

هيى اتجوزت و لا لسه؟

اه اتجوزت

ايه ده بجد؟ كويس

كان زميلها برضه صح؟

مش عارفه, باين

!!!!محدش خاب خبتيك

و هنا كانت الصدمة و اللي اصطحبها شرقه في الزور و كحه مع تبريقه شديده شعرت فيها ببرد يتخلل النيني

ايوة يعني ايه المطلوب مني؟

شدي حيلك

اشده اوديه فين؟

.شوفي حالك

و هنا قررت ان الصمت هو افضل وسيله للدفاع

Confession #28

2010-12-22T23:36:00.000+02:00

I have a thing for old men. I fall instantly for the white hair, for the wrinkles and the poised attitude.

Marriage Thoughts (11) - Having Kids

2010-12-21T22:47:00.003+02:00

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part (6-1) - Part (6-2) - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10

Married people want to have kids, single people sometimes get married only for the kids.

Some kids end up in the nearest dumpster, others are raised in a "healthy" or "normal" environments, by parents who don't know the first thing about raising a kid. Who would damage them more than anything in life with their ignorance or their selfishness.

How many times would people stop to ask themselves WHY? HOW? WHEN? or WHO are these little people? are they blindly following social obligations, or their instincts of becoming parents?

Don't get me wrong I like kids, but I guess if people can't figure out those simple questions they gonna doom the little kids with their own hands. If they can't figure out those simple questions, their kids are better unborn.

Happiness Project (Boot Camp): Week 46

2010-12-20T23:15:00.001+02:00

Resolution of this week: Try a Week of Extreme Nice.
Thought of the week: There is no love, there are only proofs of love.

ENOUGH already

2010-12-18T15:45:00.000+02:00

Am sick of those tiny brained people and their twisted nonsense.

Over-protecting is just a shitty tactic made for weak people who can't do anything or those who don't trust anyone. Here is newsflash for you; your over protection never protected me before, and it is eventually dooming me.

I wish I was one of those small-town-superficial-tiny-brained girls, I really really wish I was.

Some problems have no solution -- or I am the one who's blinded to see the bigger picture. Even if it too shall pass, am sick of the present, I am tired of looking forward to it to pass.

You suck. You're stupid. And I am freaking sick of your shit!

Confession #27

2010-12-15T13:22:00.005+02:00

They should definitely eliminate today's date out of the calendar!

Happiness Project (Boot Camp): Week 45

2010-12-14T09:38:00.006+02:00

Resolution of this week: Do a 24-hour boot camp.
Thought of the week: If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly

One clichéd bargain

2010-12-13T16:04:00.001+02:00

Dear positive happy people,

I know you mean well with your mushy speeches. But hey, I am free to show my gloom whatever way I like, it's ok to take my fake mask and just be the way I feel. Don't give me the "beliefs" talk, don't rub pinky words in my face, and above all you don't get to preach me -- specially when I was one of the people who helped you to be all bubbly and happy.

Yes I may sound cynical at times, I can be gloomy and sad but deep down am one of the most hopeful people alive. I hope silently, I yearn and wish secretly, and under my cover I believe. And if you're a survivor am a warrior.

You're free to feel whatever you like or to choose whatever attitude you'd like to follow but please leave me alone. am happy the way I am.

Marriage Thoughts (10) - قالك ... عقبالك

2010-12-11T15:37:00.002+02:00

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part (6-1) - Part (6-2) - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9

لما كل أم ماسكة ودن بنتها دودودو ليل و نهار تشتكلها من أبوها المفتري واللي بيعمله فيها

ده غير حكاوي سوسو و توتو قرايب بنت خالت مش عارف ميين

مين اتطلق و مين جوزها بيعمل ايه

و في الاخر تقولي ... يالا عقبالك

لما اشوف الامهات بتتعامل ازاي مع ولادهم

و لما اشوف نفسي و ناس زي كتير طلعين كارهين عيشتهم و متبهدلين

و في الاخر تقولي ... يالا عقبالك

لما كل واحدة متجوزة تكلمني تسبلي و تلعني في الجواز و سنينة كأنهم حكموا عليها بالاعدام او المؤبد

و لما تحسنني انها ضيعت شبابها هدر و انا مش طايقة جوزها و لا أهله ولا الحمل والخلفة و الولاد والسهرو...و...اففففف (و مثلا تلات تربعهم بيخزوا العين او بيدلعوا )

و في الاخر تقولي ... يالا عقبالك

ولا الأشكال اللي بنشوفها

الرجالة وصلت بيهم الحالة لايه - الفاتحة للرجولة

و البنات الهبلة المدلعة

و لما كل أمل بيتكسر و كل المفاهيم بتتغير

و أفلام و مسلسلات و أغاني

و في الاخر تقولي ... يالا عقبالك

عقبالي ايه بس في الزحمة دي

!بلا وكسه نقعه

Confession #26

2010-12-11T03:16:00.002+02:00

It's not fair.
I can't keep it together anymore.
And I desperately need some serious help.

UPDATE: That was my late night exhausting weeps talking, not me!

And the world spins madly on

2010-12-10T17:09:00.001+02:00

This is ... beautiful..

And I let go of....

2010-12-10T01:00:00.008+02:00

An arrogant, stubborn friend who think they won't have to change or compromise to keep our relation.

A dramatic relative who won't stop ranting about how miserable their life is. Whose dictionary is lacking any positive words or attitude.

A lover who don't know my worth. Who thinks am not good enough for them.

A "friend" with double standards. One day they will treat me like a queen and the other will show me that am worthless, that am a mere object to them.

Someone who will tell me how they feel when its too late.

A boyfriend who will bring up my insecurities to surface.

The liar, the cheater, the coward.

My feelings for someone if they will get me nowhere.

A city that no longer feels safe or home anymore.

Anything and anyone who won't add value to my life.

And am not sure if that 'letting go' is a strength stance or weakness anymore. But am sure that it also known as 'Playing safe'

Why do we always collide?

2010-12-09T19:28:00.000+02:00

Why do I always feel like am tied. Like there is something pulling me down whenever I try and resist, whenever I find a way and the strength to stand up?

Why do I end up at the same point wherever I go, whenever I run, I found myself back to square one. What is the hell is wrong?

Random trances, in slow motion

2010-12-08T21:28:00.001+02:00

...And when I picked up the phone, I couldnt wait to hear your voice. I was eagerly yearning for the first word to come out, for the tune I never could forget. But I was peaceful knowing it's all a matter of time.
And now, when I remember how it felt in those fragments of seconds, how I couldn't wait. It breaks my heart knowing I would never feel that again. Knowing I would never actually hear it again -- except maybe in my dreams.

----

You know when you get good news, bad news or whatever and someone pops into your mind right away. Someone you want to share every moment with or even when you want to freak out to them when you're frustrated or disappointed. Well I dont have that someone, nobody pops into my mind, and sometimes I hesitate if I should share these info or not. I get the news, feel excited/sad a little bit, and then meh.

----

It's weird that I never spent as much time with my grandfather when he was alive. However lately I've been spending so much time with him, but it's all in my dreams. It has been 3 years since he died and ever since I've been dreaming of him on regular basis. Last week I remember hugging him so hard (I dream of hugging him a lot). this dream left me with a weird feeling ever since.
You know, it's weird cause I never been close to him. He was fun to be around but we never were close. may god bless him.

----

Sometimes I stay wide awake at night. tossing and turning; with feelings igniting my veins, a heart that is shattering to a million pieces, and hollow guts. My heart keeps bounding so hard like it's gonna break my rips and go somewhere else. And I can't blame him.
That's the price I gotta pay for forgetting to fight -- even if it was just for one night. For confusing dark with light.

----

Hopping into a safe solo-sized cocoon for a while is needed from time to time, we all sure need some time by ourselves to sort things out and restore our energies. However you gotta watch out, cause that cocoon is so freaking cozy and warm. It can trick you to stay a little longer enjoying the comfy soft cushions of solitude. But after a while you might get yourself a comfort zone. and by time it gets harder to get out of it.
The more you stay the more you find it easier to stick and the harder to let go. You can't get dressed or hangout, you can't call or visit anyone, and sometimes it gets so hard getting out of bed. you turn into a pathetic creature that wishes for a way out, or prays in the bold darkness of night for a rescue. Trust me you don't wanna be that person.

Happiness Project (Boot Camp): Week 44

2010-12-07T09:38:00.003+02:00

Resolution of this week: Do something every day.
Thought of the week: A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.

I guess it's about time for some change

2010-12-06T01:06:00.002+02:00

It has been a long time since I posted something worth publishing. Honestly am not even near satisfied with my blog contents. and lately it has been smothering with the whole dramatic bitter posts.

Well as much as I love honestly exposing and sharing what I feel; Also I'd like for my followers to be satisfied as well (don't worry I will keep ranting here too =D)

Here you can kindly submit your feedbacks. And you're free to submit them anonymously if you want. I'd really like to hear from you; What do you like here, what do you suggest I should add, increase or lessen. And please be brutally honest. I would really appreciate it if you did.

Thank you.

And they were always in between

2010-12-05T21:03:00.002+02:00

There's some things she needs to verify

Could you bring forth an alibi

Cause she was always in between

the jury and the attorney

You give an ultimatum he will decline

And he was undecided most of the time

And he was always in between

his life and a movie scene

And the weight of our words

is what we don't understand

or the test in the part of every woman and every man

So with dignity and grace

Boy you'd have to erase

All the things in your mind

that replay and replay and replay and replay and replay

The things that made you cry

that you forgave, you let go by

or you will push the one that you love out of your life

out of your life

And there was always something she had to plan

She's always looking down in her left hand

And she was always in between

her life and her childhood dream

And there was always something he had to mend

You give a rule

You're giving something to bend

And he was always in between

his word and what his word means

And the weight of what's heard

is what we don't understand

or the test in the part of every woman and every man

So with loyalty embraced

Well you'd have to sustain

all the things in your mind

that will change and will change

They will change, they will change, they will change

The things that made you lie

You want to forget and let go by

or you will push the one that you love out of your life

out of your life

Maria Taylor - Replay

Note to self

2010-12-02T23:03:00.001+02:00

Don't try to act normal cause you never were normal. You're an exception and you will always be.

Update: Someone asked me this

I knew a boy and all I get was that

2010-12-02T02:12:00.003+02:00

"Am sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen"

You didn't mean. What is that supposed to mean exactly? How could a person not mean something that huge.

Well why don't you save your feeble inexplicable reasons -- even if it does count as an excuse to begin with. You had many chances to detour the whole thing. Or let me guess, you didn't mean that too.

So save your sugarcoated sorries, cause I am the one who's sorry for getting the wrong idea. For being the person on which you took the load of your "honest mistakes". Sorry for the mess you've made. And sorry for you if my back hurt your knife.

I am the one who's sorry for myself. For whoever I see today, the pathetic hopeless wrecked girl, that I've got when you were busy "don't mean" to do anything; I owe her an apology as well.

And I can't help myself but wondering what would we've get if you actually meant things to happen.

When OK is just a word..

2010-12-01T15:42:00.001+02:00

I'm OK.
I wake up and I feel OK.
I peek the mirror and I look OK.
I do my daily routine and it is OK;
Or that is what I am trying to be, but seriously am feeling fine.

Except that, lately I have been having those blurry dreams - or should I call them nightmares - I barely remember. I wake up only to remember how they feel, which is a new level of scary, brutal and terrible. Every time I see or remember any of the visions it got scarier, given that my dreams never been just dreams. So rabena yostor!

I can't help it, am feeling really anxious. And I cant get over that fear. Seriously it's been a long time and it's really bugging me.

But am OK!

Happiness Project (Attitude): Week 43

2010-11-25T09:38:00.002+02:00

Resolution of this week: Make the positive argument
Thought of the week: Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits.

Once upon a time, it was my solace

2010-11-25T01:45:00.000+02:00

..And lately I grew scared of the darkness...
Scared of the black, hollow, cold, silence...
Of going to bed, of closing my eyes...

Lately I grew scared of the loneliness of the night.

Photo Credit SonOfJordan

And they made you feel so alive, and so...dead

2010-11-23T15:58:00.004+02:00

Some people intervene your life with no apparent reason

Nothing but to mess with it

And leave it up side down.

Don't expect them to fix anything before calling quits

Don't look for an explanation, or for a reasonable cause

Just know, they had fun

Time to clear THEIR mess, THEIR shit

You slip into my mind the moment I expect it the least. Crawling under my skin yet again, flowing in my veins trying to make your way into my heart. Again. Again and again. You sit cross-legged in my head, refusing to move and unwilling to compromise.
I’ve given up on trying to fight it. You’re a force of nature I’ll always be unfit to fight. I’m only human and you’re a hurricane, and I keep waiting for the storm to come and take me like a self-harming child. The strongest walls couldn’t protect me from you.
You build me up and bring me down. And then you slip out of my mind. And I’m thankful for that tiny second of self-respect before you come crawling back in again.